Pardon me while I rant and turn off the veneer of diplomacy for this one post. I am quite honestly, very frustrated at the moment. I knew what I was getting into when I chose to write a book let alone two, what I didn’t know was how crappy it was going to make me feel to get the door slammed in my face for everything that I did. I’m not even going to bother editing this post for typos because quite frankly, I hate editing, and I don’t care right now.
Again I find myself coming up the same frustrating barrier that plagued my first book.
NO ONE GIVES A DAMN.
Why don’t they give a damn? Because joe public is too busy worrying about when they’re going to get a Wonder Woman movie or X-Men or Marvel or DC. It’s the equivalent of David and Goliath except I don’t have a slingshot with me. I always roll my eyes when people say “I want to be a writer” not fully understanding what it TAKES to be a writer. You have to be willing to have your morale stepped on, for people to ignore you, and for your best efforts to be considered satisfactory.
Writer’s just want to write, and you know what? That’s fine, do it as a hobby. Don’t try to make a career out of it. Maybe when you send that dozenth e-mail explaining to a reviewer why they should read your book and to have no response, maybe you’ll get a clue. Maybe when you submit a short story to magazine or a newspaper and don’t get a response from the editor, maybe you’ll get a clue. Maybe when you get shafted on bundles and promotions for other books, maybe you’ll get a clue.
The hard part about writing isn’t writing. It’s being KNOWN, RELEVANT, like someone gives a damn. But what’s most frustrating to me is that I worked hard, I mean really hard on making this second book as best as it could be . . . and no one gives a damn. Oh you hired an expensive editor that tore you to shreds? That’s nice, my TV show is on, tell me about it later. Oh, you want to create a new heroine that would be a positive role model for young girls and give them a voice? That’s nice, but we already have Wonder Woman to do that for us, speaking of Wonder Woman, where’s her movie?
At some point, when the rush of accomplishment that you wrote a book wears off. You realize that you finished a book that took you over 10 years to create and no one gives a damn. Oh you were expecting to make SALES on your book that you spent thousands of dollars to create? Ha ha ha ha ha ha, what planet are you living on? No one cares about your project, no one cares about your book.
If I had to define my life, it’d be this: a constant struggle against mediocrity.
-I apply for jobs to do motion graphics for companies, my graphics aren’t good enough.
-I thought that my Silver Ninja trailer was awesome, not a single company I applied for has written me back for work.
-I send out e-mails almost everyday asking reviews if they’d be interested in reading my book. No response, not even a no thank you or anything of the sort.
-I send out review copies that COST ME MONEY to media outlets. Again, no response.
Everything that I do is just simply NOT GOOD ENOUGH. The feedback I get was that the book was an enjoyable read, but then I see the reaction to other books where it’s like “I’M ADDICTED TO THIS BOOK AND I CAN’T PUT IT DOWN” I don’t get that. I get a pat on the head, nice job junior, and then get scooted off.
And you know what I hate? I hate having to constantly advertise my book on twitter, facebook, tumblr, google+, I JUST HATE IT! I sign up to so many forums just to build up a presence and then find some opportunity to plug my book in a thread where it’s appropriate. I HATE IT! While I’m between jobs most of my time is spent on marketing the book and FAILING. Not even the media in my area gives a crap. And what drives me crazy is I don’t know why!
I don’t know why people wouldn’t want a new, strong, female protagonist. She cries, she hurts, she bleeds, she fights with her husband, she argues with her sister, she loves, she fails, she’s human. In one instance she’s deflecting bullets with her armor and saving a landmark from being destroyed. In another instance she’s fixing her sister’s dress and giving her advice on how to act on her date, despite her own jealousy and insecurity around her husband.
I don’t want to knock on Marvel and DC’s doorstep and give away the rights to this character to them just so that I could get exposure. They will destroy her and make her the antithesis of everything I wanted Cindy to be.
I wasn’t looking for this book to be a best seller. I just wanted to BREAK EVEN! Was that so much to ask? It’d be nice if I could get back the $20,000 dollars I spent on making this book into a reality. As of right now, I’ve only made about $250.00 over TWO YEARS.
There’s no inspiring message at the end of this blog post. I’m pissed, I’m bummed, and quite frankly, I don’t know if it’s worth finishing out the rest of this series. I know the ending down to the very last line of the last book. But I cannot AFFORD to finish the series. Making 50 bucks off a book release is not a profit, it’s a LOSS. With all the things happening in my life right now and the struggle to find STABLE work and not just freelance. I just don’t see why I should bother finishing the book series if in the end, no one gives a damn.
However, I don’t want to diminish those who did read and enjoy the book. I am extremely happy that those readers did and was ecstatic to read the feedback I received from each one of you. If I could make a living off of the feedback you’ve given me, I’d be a very happy author, but that is not the case.
Anyway, that’s the end of my rant. I’m not going to repost this on FB because I don’t want that kind of negativity on there. But I will re-post it on tumblr since no one checks there anyway.
Oh and my payment to renew The Silver Ninja domain name is almost due. That’s another 200 bucks I won’t be getting back. FML.
