Is your low self-esteem getting in your way?

Let’s get something out in the open.

 

I am -not- a talented writer. I never claimed to be, no one told me I am, and there have definitely been times where I felt like I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.

 

Yet I’m still writing. I write everyday. I read, I practice, and I try to learn. By all the data I’ve been given from my book reviews and general indifference to my books, I should quit and stop writing altogether.

 

But I don’t. Why? Because I have high self-esteem.

 

I’m sorry, did I catch you off guard? Yes, this blog post is all about self-esteem and self confidence. It is the invisible personality trait that can hinder or push you toward success. I have a strong belief that people with low self-esteem are also prone to having high bouts of anxiety. Though my research has been based off asking my girlfriend about her anxiety and quiet observation, I have found some articles that imply that I may be on to something.

 

Here: http://www.getesteem.com/lse-symptoms/symptom-details.html

 

and here: https://www.newharbinger.com/psychsolve/self-esteem-issues

 

and one more: http://www.overcoming.co.uk/single.htm?ipg=8611

 

So why am I bringing this up? Well this weekend my girlfriend was telling me about her anxiety and the struggle to keep it under control. I listened to her for as long as she needed to go and then made a most bizarre suggestion. “Maybe your anxiety is coming from low self-esteem.”

 

Crazy right? I don’t think so.

 

If you think low self-esteem is not a big deal, then my apologies but I strongly disagree with you. Low self-esteem is one of the most disastrous things to happen to an individual. It can impede on success, get you walked over, and even stop you from writing. How would it stop you from writing? Simple. You write a scene or some dialogue, say everything sucks, then throw it all away and never try again.

 

Low self-esteem is like carbon monoxide, you don’t know it’s poisoning you.

 

You can still do your job, can still function in society, and the fact that you’re popping pills everyday won’t bother you as much, you might not even notice. You get bitter when people chase their dreams and might not speak up when a dominant personality tries to take control. Some people who suffer from anxiety say that they don’t have low self-esteem issues and that they are quite confident in themselves. Yet those same individuals crack under the pressure of others and let people’s disparaging comments get under their skin. Low self-esteem isn’t just about how you view yourself, it’s also how you let the world affect you.

 

Low self-esteem turns a mole hill into a mountain. The littlest obstacles become the most impossible challenges. You feel anxious because it seems like the world is against you and you’re not strong enough to push against its incredible weight. Everything is a challenge, just existing is a test to see when you’re finally going to crack.

 

But it’s not real. It’s a fear that’s imagined in your brain.

 

My opening line to this blog would imply that I have low self-esteem. Quite the contrary, my opening statement was to establish that even though the odds are against me. Even though I recognize that my writing needs improvement. I am determined to continue pushing the rock up the hill even if it rolls over me again.

 

Someone with low self esteem will not do that because they will convince themselves that the rock is not worth pushing. It’s too heavy and pointless. They will be stuck at their 9 to 5 jobs, say yes to their boss when they’re asked to work late even when they have a prior arrangement, and allow a co-worker to steal credit when they were the ones who put in all the work. They don’t want to cause waves in the workplace and panic when their stomach feels out of whack.

 

When my stomach feels out of sorts, my first reaction is that it will pass. Bear the pain now and feel better in an hour and half. An anxious person will go to the hospital at the slightest disturbance. Maybe I have norovirus, maybe I have the flu, maybe I have an ulcer, maybe I have stomach cancer.

 

What I’m trying to say is that if you have low self-esteem, you’ll hit that panic button much quicker than most. This will also affect your writing as well. If you don’t have that confidence (or ignorance) to believe that you can write a great book despite not having the “talent.” You will not write that novel. To write a book is to have a big ego and say to the world, “Read my sh** because it’s good.”

 

So how can you improve that self-esteem? How can you convince yourself that you’re not powerless against the world? Well, unfortunately I don’t have an easy answer for that but I can at least give you some starter tips.

 

First. Stop putting yourself down. Another individual’s words should never have power over you. However, the words you say to yourself are a reflection of the inner you. If you say that you suck,  you can’t do it, or that you’re an idiot. Your brain will believe the lies.

 

You have to reprogram your thought process and train yourself to believe in yourself. My reviews and sales on my books were telling me to quit but I choose not to. I know I can do better because I believe I can do better.

 

Second. Learn to be comfortable in being uncomfortable. When I do my freelance work for the NFL, the work I do is broadcast to millions of viewers across the world on LIVE television. There’s no break for me until we hit half time and you can bet your ass that my leg is shaking moments before live. It’s terribly uncomfortable but I’ve learned to live and thrive in that environment.

Complacency is the enemy to self improvement and memorable life experiences.

 

So the next time you’re uncomfortable because your stomach hurts, grit your teeth and ride out the storm. If it were truly an emergency, you wouldn’t be questioning whether you should go to the hospital.

 

Third. Control your thinking. Thoughts prevent action. If you want to get something done, don’t think about it, DO IT. It is the equivalent of shoot first, ask questions later. If you ever thought about singing a song you wrote to your crush, asking your boss for a raise, getting the nerve to talk to a stranger, chances are you didn’t do it. You thought about it, scared yourself, then backed off from whatever bold idea you had.

 

If I need to do something that scares the crap out of me. Like go up to a stranger and ask if they’re interested in a free copy of my book. I don’t think about it. I psyche myself up and do it despite the fact that my heart is pounding a million beats per minute. I’ve made many dumb decisions in my lifetime but I take comfort in knowing that I did it.

 

Fourth and final. Accept rejection, failure, and judgment. Imagine that people have already looked at you and said, “Look at that freak. That weirdo looks like he/she is about to sh** his/her pants.” (and maybe you are) You have been judged. Now what? Does your life suddenly end? No. You mentally tell them to f*** off and continue with your life.

 

Did you make a mistake that could potentially cause people a lot of headache? OH WELL! Offer to fix it, fix it, then move on. People make mistakes all the time, including the ones that are extremely successful.

 

Did your project fail to meet expectations? Did your book suck? Did you let someone down? Too bad! Learn from those mistakes and apply them to another project where you will make different mistakes.

Mistakes are the most interesting part of life, conflict gives you a story to tell, suffering makes people laugh after it has passed.

Accept that you have failed, accept that you have made mistakes, accept that people have judged you, and suddenly you will find yourself free of all the bullsh** that used to terrify you. Take an acting class and you’ll see first hand how liberating it is not to worry about other people’s opinions.

 

I know that was a lot to digest but I hope that this post helps any of you who are struggling with low self-esteem. Unfortunately, it does affect people in a lot of different ways but maybe this entry will be the wake up call you need to start believing in yourself.

 

*Re-reads his blog for editing.* Where did all these buzz words come from?

 

Have a great week!

Wilmar Luna

Wilmar Luna

Couldn't be a superhero in real life so he decided to write his own. When he's not creating empowered female characters he can be found watching films, reading books, and playing lots of video games. Buy his books here: https://www.thesilverninja.com/purchase/