Well, the blog post I’ve been dreading is here and no, it’s not the last one. If the title hasn’t given it away, then allow me to pull the band aid now. I’m going to post some rough drafts. But before that, let’s do a quick recap.

We talked about creating a timeline, re-reading your work, and now we’ve entered rough drafts. Seems unusually fast doesn’t it? How could we possibly be on the rough draft stage?

Well, the whole point of being a writer is to WRITE!

“But wait! Aren’t we missing a step?” Ahhh yes, there is a step I have neglected to mention. In previous blogs I raved about doing the Snowflake method for your book, yet we’re already starting rough drafts? Allow me to explain.

I love the Snowflake method. I think it’s a very organized way of writing that helps keep everything in focus and in check. Buuuuut… the Snowflake method mainly applies to new books and stories. When you write using Snowflake, you’re trying to figure out what the message and voice of your book is. “A boy falls down a well and discovers a world of magic.” “A hotel transforms its residents into crazed killers,” and so on and so on.

You’re creating characters, writing backstories, filling out character sheets, brainstorming the plot, all that stuff is done in Snowflake. So it makes sense that these techniques would not be applicable to the re-write. I know what happens in the book, I simply want it to be better. That’s not to say I haven’t used snowflake at all, I have, but only to re-write character motivations. If I go into more detail, I’ll make a post about the Snowflake method.

When it comes to rough drafts, this is your opportunity to write whatever you want!

It doesn’t have to make sense or have a point, it just needs to get the creative wheels going. Ideally, you should think of a scene, have an idea of where you want to go with it, then write away. You don’t have to worry about the typos, the grammar, the incoherent sentences. All you have to do is write something related to your story, the end. If you’re building a house,

the rough draft is the equivalent of figuring out what materials you want to buy before you commit to it.

I guess I’ve stalled long enough haven’t it?

(Sigh) I’m really not looking forward to this.

Okay, here are the rough drafts I’ve written for the start of chapter one. Please remember that rough drafts are FORBIDDEN TO SHARE. If you have a rough draft, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT SHARE WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY!  I am only posting this so you, future writer, can learn from my writing process. These are un-edited scribbles of ideas, proceed at your own risk.

[WARNING! NO TURNING BACK NOW, BEWARE THE HORROR . . . THE HORROR . . .]

“Hey, wake up. You’re going to miss the train.”

Cindy tapped her husband Jonas on the shoulder until the bed groaned under his weight. He sat up, his eyelids puffy and looked at his wife who was already halfway out the door.

“What time is it?”

“Time to get your lazy butt out of bed.” Cindy ripped the blanket from his legs which sent a shiver up his boxers. Jonas threw his feet over the side and…

(HATE IT! Abandon. Uninspired and a terrible way to start a chapter. Feels very forced. – *If you can’t feel a scene when you’re writing, chuck it, start fresh.)

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Ah, New York City. A place of glitz, glam, poverty and filth all packed into one cramped space. In this city you either survive on your pathetic paycheck that gets you a closet sized apartment, or you pack your bags and go home. You attend rooftop parties in the sweltering summer with some of your closest friends or complete strangers, and throw yourself into a subway car as if it were a can of sardines.

Those are the obvious parts. But I’ve been living here for close to eight years and I’ve seen something more than the usual hustle and bustle. I’ve seen lost souls wandering the streets and I’m not talking about homeless. I’m talking about people who are desperate to make a connection with another human being. I saw an old Asian man walk up to a young man, salute, and then say, “You Korea?” The young man didn’t even give him a glance and just kept on walking.

I’ve seen a hispanic man walk up to a tanned girl talking to a friend say to her, “Prima, hablas español?”

And I’ve had the common old couple, walk up to me Mrs. pale as moonlight and ask, “Do you know if this train goes downtown?” Despite the fact that the sign is right over their heads.

It’s very easy and extremely tempting to become one of those stoic New Yorkers. But I always tried to avoid falling into that rut, to try to have the patience to give people directions, answer their questions, and guide them on their way. After all, at the end of the day. We’re all human, and we all make mistakes, and sometimes we just need that one human connection away from the cell phones.

So imagine my surprise when I find out that I’m one of those lost souls, but the connection I’m looking for isn’t with other humans. It’s with myself.

(Has potential? Will Cindy’s inner monologues conflict with overall flow of the story? Especially considering I don’t want  inner monologues throughout the entire book. – *Consider the tone of your story, can you switch between 1st and 3rd person? Yes, but you need to have a mastery over what you’re doing or some kind of purpose. If there’s no purpose, the switching of POV’s will just paint you as an amateur not knowing what to do. So if you do it, do it well.)

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Cindy stared down the wavering iron sights of the pistol. Her hands were trembling from the fear that snaked through her forearms. A man wearing a balaclava stared at her through the ironsights of his own gun, in the other hand, a bag of money with dollar bills sticking out from the opening.

“Drop your weapon!” She screamed in her best authoritative voice, but the quiver in her words was difficult to hide.

(Ehh, might not be suitable for the beginning of Chapter 1. Might be confusing if it follows directly after the intro. – *Remember that readers need breathing room. If you start off with a very intense scene, you need to bring it down in the following scene. Also, if there’s no clear indication on when these events are happening, that will just confuse the reader even further.)

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“Breathe in, stretch, hold it. And breathe out . . . good. Now I want you to reach for the ceiling and stretch, stretch, stretch, until you’re on your tippy toes . . . and release.” Sunlight streamed through the iron framed window and warmed the pink hoodie on Cindy’s back. She looked over her litter of students, each one wearing a spandex unitard with Ninja Gymnastics sewn into the left chest. She silently mouthed every girl’s name to take roll call and noted that though her students were present, she was one instructor short.

“Not again,” she muttered quietly. “Okay class. Until Ms. Brynfire gets here I want you all to form two groups. My class will do uneven bars and balance beam and Priscilla will lead Jadie’s class through floor exercises.” Cindy blew her whistle and the children scattered to their stations. On the surface, she kept her professional demeanor around the kids. But unspoken was an anger that grew with every lost minute.

After sixty minutes, the slab of black metal that led into the gymnasium lurched open. The door slammed shut and Cindy clenched her teeth until her jaw ached. She blew her whistle again and yelled, “Girls, take five. I’ll be right back.”

In the locker room, Cindy stared at the tall, blond haired woman sliding a duffel bag strap from her shoulder. She detected a hint of alcohol under a layer of pineapple coconut perfume but assumed it was just mouthwash.

“I know, I know.” The woman popped open the locker and hung her frost covered jacket on the hook, batting melting snow out of her hair.

“Jadie. You’re an hour–”

“I know, I know.”

“You’d better have a good excuse or else . . .” Cindy cracked her knuckles.

Jadie tapped Cindy’s shoulder. “Shut up, goofball.”

(Interesting to keep the reader in the dark, but completely lost interest near the end. Characters started dipping back into unlikeable territory which we want to avoid. – *However, this could be a good start with a little bit of work and editing. Your main goal for all chapters is to have a clear, discernible conflict. It doesn’t have to happen right away, but someone must want something.)

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“Ames, come in. Have a seat.”

The captain gestured to the leather seat in front of the desk. Cindy Ames bashfully sat down and removed her cap. The smell of fresh paint and fabric lingered from the renovated walls and updated furniture. Her hands fell between her legs and idly rubbed against each other as she waited for captain Hasan to finish typing his report.

“So, news around the precinct is that you’re a little unhappy with our decision to give officer Gates a second chance. As someone who’s still considering a probie, do you think it’s appropriate to be discussing department decisions with your peers?”

Cindy stiffened her lip. “Sir, with all due respect. Officer Melissa Gates was only one month ahead of me as a probationary officer and I’ve gotten to know her very well. In one instance, while we were out at a restaurant, Officer Gates had a bit too much to drink and got into an altercation with young woman who she thought insulted her outfit. Last week, Officer Gates came into the precinct completely intoxicated and then proceeded to pull down her pants and piss all over my desk.”

“She was a victim of domestic abuse. Don’t you believe in second chances?”

“I do believe in second chances, sir. But I don’t think Officer Gates is qualified to wear the badge. She should seek therapy and re-apply to join the force once she’s given the clean bill of health.”

Captain Hasan leaned back in his chair and crossed both his arms and his legs. It was clear to her that the captain didn’t like her response. Even though she was less than a month away from becoming an official police officer, she wasn’t about to compromise her integrity for the job..

“I was hoping you would say that.”

Cindy blinked once. She wondered if she had heard him correctly but didn’t want to ask and remove all doubt.

“I’ve been hearing good things about you, Ames. A lot of people are still talking about your collar in Times Square. Not a lot of officers would run to the top of the bleachers and jump on top of a suspect, at New Years, for a cell phone snatcher.”

“When you put it that way, sir. I’m not so sure that’s a compliment.”

“Oh it is a compliment, but I’d rather focus your pitbull-like tenacity on bigger fish. It seems a waste to have someone as dedicated as you are chasing down phone thieves.”

Cindy sat up and leaned ever so closely to his desk. “Are you telling me what I think you’re telling me?”

“Well–” the captain leaned against his desk and clasped his hands together. “–although I am going to prematurely take you off probie status. I’m also going to partner you with Officer Gates.”

“What?” Cindy tugged on her collar and cleared her throat. “I mean. Are you sure that’s a good idea, sir?”

“It’s a brilliant idea! What, you mean to tell me that you don’t want to share a patrol car with an officer who urinated on your desk?”

“That’s exactly what I’m trying to say.”

“Well, here’s the deal. I want you to set an example for Gates. You be the good cop and keep her in check, set an example and she’ll be the bad cop who’ll do the dirty work.”

“But Sir–”

“The decision is already made.” Captain Hassan turned to his computer and started typing away. “Dismissed . . . Officer Ames.”

Cindy dug her fingernails into the armrest and left behind the marks of her opinion within the leather.

“Thank you, sir.”

(I actually quite enjoyed writing this, I can see potential but where will it fit in the storyline? Can I really start Chapter 1 with this? Readers will think that this is where the story starts when in reality it’s a flashback that will be addressed later in the book. – *Remember that even if you love a scene, you have to keep in mind WHERE it falls in your book. If you jump around too much you will annoy and confuse your readers. If I start the story here, it might as well be the introduction or prologue, because it has no -immediate- effect on the plot, despite being important to character development.)

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Okay, that was a lot to digest for today. Next I will have to pick which scene I want to expand and put it through the editing process. Now, since this is going to be a new book, I’m only going to do this process for one chapter. After all, why buy the book if all the chapters are online for free? I’ll show you the rough, then my edit, then an edit from a second pair of eyes. You will not see an edit from a paid editor but it’ll at least be ready for submission.

I might consider doing a post with an edit from a paid editor but . . . that’s a different process that’s more about polish than writing.

Hope you’re all learning something from this! I’ll see you all next post.